He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
