Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
