Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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