U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
