You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
