end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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