Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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