You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
