return my video game
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
