so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize