You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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