he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
