Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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