can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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