I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
