This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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