I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
