Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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