i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
