he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
