shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
