when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
