MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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