I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
