the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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