How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
