And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
