I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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