So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
