I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
