I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize