Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
