He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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