Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
