so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
