Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
