I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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