Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize