did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
