I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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