I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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