I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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