If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
