I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
