??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
