So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
