so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
