Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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