three words: i give head
three words: not that well
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
