talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
