Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
