If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
