quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This is my gift to your gina
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
