we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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