holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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