I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The adults are the big ones right?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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