I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
