he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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