She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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