How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
