Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
