New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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