I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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