she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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