we have officially mastered the walk of shame
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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