Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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