Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
