I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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