Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
