ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize