im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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