so that wasnt chicken after all
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
