i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Randomize
