please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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