He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
