tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
