You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
