Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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